The Proper Care and Feeding of Vinemeeters - a Primer

Myk enjoys a quiet moment while debauchery continues inside

Gwenny and Kymlee laugh it up

Calvin has a chicken epiphany

Winsome works out on inexplicably placed exercise equipment

It is pointless to use my Vinemeet recap to relate stories of the events that took place as all of the best stories cannot or should not be told.

Instead, I encourage you to experience a Vinemeet for yourself. They are relatively simple to stage, as far as life-altering events go. Three things are needed:

1) A location.

2) Alcohol. Lots of it. These people can drink

3) Newsviners: Just the right mix of personalities is needed to ensure success and achieve madness. Though there were some people not in attendance who were deeply missed, I wouldn't have traded the group we had for anyone in the world. Here are brief descriptions of the sort of folks you will need to create a truly epic Vinemeet:

lughsand: A class act with a poet's soul. Usually quiet and composed, he will get downright salty given the right circumstances and company.

winsomecowboy: Exactly like his online persona (with everything that entails). Has momentary lapses of humanity and warmth that he frantically negates by mocking the very next person he sees.

Orlando Dozier: Orlando Time is Story Time. Is there anywhere in the world this man has not been? Has the eerie ability to get along with anyone comfortably.

Celestina: One of your best assets. Simultaneously the life of the party and designated affection dispenser (is that redundant?). In conversation, she can hold her own discussing both the most profound and the most idiotic subjects (a skill that comes in handy at Vinemeets).

Calvin Tang: A swashbuckling hero who can drink until 5 in the morning, sleep two hours and then go for a run! Can be plied into divulging Newsvine secrets with minimal amounts of alcohol.

Cash: Cash's darkest secret is that he is in reality a soft-spoken gentleman. Even his off-color jokes are delivered with a disturbing degree of tact.

Gwenny:: Do not attempt to converse with this woman unless your knowledge of World of Warcraft and paganism is encyclopedic. She gets amusement by remaining relatively sober while all around her carry on like drunken Australian submariners on leave.

Sarmar The quintessential Sweet Young Thing, she is prone to sudden displays of shocking and spectacular violence. Of indeterminate nationality....

Mykola Bilokonsky: Well-mannered and intelligent (not with the excruciating verbosity of his online persona, but with a quiet brilliance), he will turn on a dime to mischief and merciless teasing. Doesn't curse nearly as much as I expected.

kymlee:: Kymlee has what is euphemistically described as a "strong personality." Everyone has the right to her opinion. She has the annoying habit of halting any potentially life-destroying mischief. She is the Batman to my Joker.

I miss you guys already.

@!$%#.

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