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WALT D
a little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants
Articles Posted: 106; Links Seeded: 76
Member Since: 1/2006Last Seen: 11/26/2009
Member Since: 1/2006Last Seen: 11/26/2009
95 Comments
PrintGonzo Agriculture - Episode 1: Deerproofing Your Field
News Type: Event — Fri Jun 27, 2008 7:23 PM EDT
The author and Scary Larry fixin' to do some farmin'!
Raw deerproofing ingredients: cheap booze, coffee
Extract and deploy repellent delivery system (repellent delivery system not pictured)
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All praise and honor to the late great Hunter S. Thompson
life on a farm is kinda laid back
ain't nothin' these old country boys can't hack
early to rise, early in the sack
-John Denver
One of the greatest iconic figures in the American Mythology is the Noble Farmer (a close second to the Homicidally Psychotic Cowboy/Outlaw). We know him well: a selfless paragon of good Christian virtue, the only thing he values more than God, family and flag is his tireless quest to bring forth nourishing yummies from the Earth herself and deliver them fresh to your dinner table. He has no vices. Not for him the bars and whoremarkets of decadent urbanism. He toils from dawn til dusk in his sunlit fields and then collapses into the chaste embrace of his broodmaker, sleeping the deep, black sleep of the righteous, only to wake at dawn and start again. He is all that is Good and Right in us. He is the backbone of blahdie blah blah....
Whether or not this heroic figure ever existed in reality is debatable. One thing is for certain: he's gone now, folks! Your store-bought produce is planted, cultivated, harvested, pumped full of unsavory chemicals and shipped by soulless corporate entities so inhuman and calculating that their coldness would seriously freak out the agents from The Matrix.
Um...yuck?
Yuck is right. These farmin' Frankensteins don't give a @!$%# what agri-abominations they shove down the collective gullet of you and your family as long their shareholders are content ("what's for dinner mommy?" "7-breasted chicken with a side of malathion!" "yum! my tumor is salivating!").
What about the Great American Farmer? Surely, he'll save us!
Nope. He was bought out long ago and his progeny work at 7-11. They sport elaborate mullets at weekend NASCAR rallies.
....but I don't wanna eat bizarre corporo-chemicals!! I just want a @!$%#ing artichoke...possibly some spinach! What the....seriously, what can I do?
Glad you asked. Although the days of the noble dawn-to-dusk virtuous field-golem are no more, there is a likely candidate to replace him as designated Wholesome Steward of the Wholesome Earth and All Its Wholesome Goodies. That's right...the disaffected, anarchistic, cynical, inebriated @!$%#up!
Huh? I mean...wha..?
Think about it; our lifestyles and attitudes will only serve to alienate us further and further from society. The good citizens can't kill us, but they'll sure as hell try to starve us out (speaking from experience, the absence of Twinkies and Big Macs is no great loss). I say let 'em try! I say let's, at least partially, remove ourselves from the grid of consumer trough culture and become the blueprint for a new American Icon: The Self-Sustaining Subversive. Let's learn the ways of seed and soil. Let's save a heap of money on groceries and use the resulting windfall to support the more depraved aspects of our questionable lifestyles!
Out here on the perimeter, we are stoned, immaculate
-The Doors
Let's get our farm on, shall we?
Assets: an acre-plus of good Appalachian earth, various farm implements, bought at discount stores, Scary Larry (the best scarecrow in the land....I'd stack him up against any in the business), wild-eyed idiot optimism
In the ground so far: multiple forms of cabbage (yeah, I'm Polish), broccoli, cayenne, sweet potatoes, cucumbers, jalapenos, pumpkin, various tomatoes, cantaloupe
Soon to be in ground: corn, Hungarian wax peppers, habaneros, beans, lettuce, cilantro, squash, watermelon, potatoes, much more
The problem: Deer seen skulking around field on numerous occasions!
Sure, deer are beautiful, majestic and delicious animals but they are also voracious pests in the garden. I'll be damned if Bambi gets to sample my cabbage before it has an opportunity to become a tasty golumpki! There are many forms and brands of deer-repellent for sale online and in hardware stores, but we're trying to buy less crap, not more. I'll show you how to manufacture an effective deer-repellent right in your own home. Hell, I'll show how to manufacture it in your pants!
Millions of years of interspecies interaction have taught deer one thing: close proximity to bipeds is extremely hazardous. One could end up with one's head on some mouthbreather's den wall, made into bad shoes or even hickory-smoked jerky. Deer avoid people....and rightly so. The object here is to make our field smell like people without having to actually hang out in it all day. This is a job for urine!
Yep, urine. It has other uses besides a prop in European pornos. Okay, maybe not that many uses, but it is an effective deer repellent. Our fellow mammals realized long ago the territory-designating powers of pee. It's time we jumped on the bandwagon.
What you'll need:
Pee (lots of it)
A delivery system (hint: also in your pants)
Reasonably good aim (for chrissake, don't piss on your vegetables, you sick bastards! You want to eat them, don't you?)
When I say lots of pee, I mean copious amounts. Your pathetic 3 to 5 potty breaks a day won't cut it. If only there were some substance to facilitate the production of large amounts of urine in the human body. Hmmmm...
There must be something we can use....
Okay, we all know where this is going. Liquor, lots of it. Hell, wine or beer will do, too. Be sure to swill fantastic amounts to ensure a plentiful harvest of premium repellent (like you needed an excuse). Let's grab the bottle and get to deerproofin'....cheers! Who said farming can't be a party? Woo Hoo!
*sigh* I suppose you teetotallers can use coffee, if you must.
We'll need a nice even perimeter around the whole field. Don't be shy; invite friends over. Ladies, this is no time for squeamishness. No one's using your deerproofing duties as an opportunity for cheap thrills. That sound in the bushes? That's...um...squirrels.
Now that the field is effectively deerproofed, we'll move on to some serious farmin'.
Next episode: Walt Milks a Goat (?)
46 Votes- Enjoy this article? Help vote it up the 'Vine.
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{"commentId":2068952,"authorDomain":"fawnshore"}
Unlike some of my other "series", I'm actually gonna try to sustain this for more than one or two installments.
{"commentId":2068952,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"fawnshore"}
- 14 votes
#1 - Fri Jun 27, 2008 7:25 PM EDT{"commentId":2072357,"authorDomain":"SVForbes"}
Yep, urine. It has other uses besides a prop in European pornos. Okay, maybe not that many uses, but it is an effective deer repellent. Our fellow mammals realized long ago the territory-designating powers of pee. It's time we jumped on the bandwagon.
It works. It really does.
Dog urine works particularly well.
{"commentId":2072357,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"SVForbes"}
- 12 votes
{"commentId":2072451,"authorDomain":"jumpstone"}
Dog urine works particularly well.
Show me a vodka drinking dog and I'll show you a dog that won't hunt.
{"commentId":2072451,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"jumpstone"}
- 13 votes
{"commentId":2072580,"authorDomain":"SVForbes"}
My dogs only drink Diaka brand Vodka. ;-)
But, really, their urine works all by its lonesome. They are manly dogs with awesome urine. ;-)
{"commentId":2072580,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"SVForbes"}
- 10 votes
{"commentId":2072611,"authorDomain":"warners"}
Shaun, how do you collect and distribute the dog urine? *imagining Shaun running behind the dogs with little buckets*
{"commentId":2072611,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"warners"}
- 11 votes
{"commentId":2072672,"authorDomain":"jumpstone"}
That's why you feed them vodka. They piss themselfs right where they fall down like most respectible vodka drinking humans do.
I hope I'm not projecting. npi
{"commentId":2072672,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"jumpstone"}
- 10 votes
{"commentId":2072696,"authorDomain":"SVForbes"}
Shaun, how do you collect and distribute the dog urine?
I just walk them around the perimeter of the vegetable garden. Their urine creates an invisible fence.
No kidding, really.
I also have a separate garden that I don't tend as well with items that the rabbits and the deer find delectable. That garden is theirs and they can eat their fill. The dogs don't put their fencing material around that garden.
I like attracting the rabbits, the deer, and groundhogs to my yard.
*imagining Shaun running behind the dogs with little buckets*
Actually, I have to do this when the vet wants a clean catch urine sample for medical testing.
In that case, I run around the backyard with a small pan at the ready. It is a tad humiliating, but it's a lot easier than collecting cat urine.
{"commentId":2072696,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"SVForbes"}
- 15 votes
{"commentId":2074287,"authorDomain":"SVForbes"}
God, you people have absolutely no sense of humor.
{"commentId":2074287,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"SVForbes"}
- 11 votes
{"commentId":2069173,"authorDomain":"warners"}
It is a fun article and helpful advice. I'm looking forward to the rest of the series and to you milking the goats.
{"commentId":2069173,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"warners"}
- 14 votes
#2 - Fri Jun 27, 2008 8:05 PM EDT{"commentId":2069476,"authorDomain":"paperdragon"}
So did you try the bottles?
{"commentId":2069476,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"paperdragon"}
- 12 votes
#3 - Fri Jun 27, 2008 8:59 PM EDT{"commentId":2069868,"authorDomain":"paperdragon"}
I'm talking about my patented post-deployment storage and delivery system.
{"commentId":2069868,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"paperdragon"}
- 12 votes
{"commentId":2070099,"authorDomain":"JoulesBeef"}
truckers call that a piss jug.
{"commentId":2070099,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"JoulesBeef"}
- 12 votes
{"commentId":2072556,"authorDomain":"paperdragon"}
You do realize that, if you're not actually deerproofing, you're just saving piss?
Sure. What's your point?
{"commentId":2072556,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"paperdragon"}
- 8 votes
{"commentId":2072587,"authorDomain":"gumwars"}
I am suddenly stricken with images of Leonardo di Caprio in a private movie theater surrounded by milk bottles filled with pee.
{"commentId":2072587,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"gumwars"}
- 8 votes
{"commentId":2074973,"authorDomain":"SVForbes"}
Sure. What's your point?
I can't resist buttin in my friend.
Me "tinks" Walt disney's point is that if you're simply storin' your golden showers, you t'aint, then deployin' them into the field.. If you are not deploying them, among the veggies, it can not scare off the critters.
But, I know you knew that and simply take pride in being obtuse.
How's Turkey doing these days?
{"commentId":2074973,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"SVForbes"}
- 6 votes
{"commentId":2075296,"authorDomain":"paperdragon"}
No, actually I'm just storing piss.
Reminds me, I need a bigger warehouse.
How's Turkey doing these days?
Pretty much the same. Though it's hot these days.
{"commentId":2075296,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"paperdragon"}
- 7 votes
{"commentId":2079807,"authorDomain":"SVForbes"}
No, actually I'm just storing piss
I believe you.
{"commentId":2079807,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"SVForbes"}
- 6 votes
{"commentId":2079978,"authorDomain":"paperdragon"}
Whew. I'm just glad you didn't ask why.
{"commentId":2079978,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"paperdragon"}
- 6 votes
{"commentId":2080025,"authorDomain":"SVForbes"}
Okay.........I'll bite.
Why? Whhhhyyyyy....oh Why?
This better be good. :)
Namaste
{"commentId":2080025,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"SVForbes"}
- 6 votes
{"commentId":2086342,"authorDomain":"justforkicks"}
The ultimate in recycling! I am in, anytime I can drink cheap booze, swill coffee, and piss on the world and all for a good cause, you'll find me.
{"commentId":2086342,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"justforkicks"}
- 8 votes
{"commentId":2069760,"authorDomain":"djehuty"}
This looks good, Walt.
By the way if you catch any of those deer I hear that it
- works well as a deterrent, especially if you make them wear an orange jumpsuit when you deport them, or
- is a source of subjects for cosmetics testing.
Just sayin'. Let me know how the cabbages turn out.
{"commentId":2069760,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"djehuty"}
- 12 votes
#4 - Fri Jun 27, 2008 9:51 PM EDT{"commentId":2070663,"authorDomain":"YuriyBilokonsky"}
You could set bear traps all around the perimeter and leave the vegetables there to lure the deer in. Then you'll not only have delicious fresh vegetables but tasty venison and the deer will KNOW damn well to stay away.
And then you don't have to spend money on custom made orange jumpsuits.
{"commentId":2070663,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"YuriyBilokonsky"}
- 11 votes
{"commentId":2072235,"authorDomain":"djehuty"}
Soon, we'll have prison-hardened deer running amok.
Bambi's been the doe-eyed patsy for too long. Just being around your neck of the woods is starting to giver her ideas. She's not after your cabbages, Walt, she's been smoking the cigarette butts in your garbage and breaking into your vodka stash. She's already shagged the dog (you've seen the photos) and she's been cruising the seedy parts of town packing a cheap pistol and a bad attitude.
Nice work, pardner.
{"commentId":2072235,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"djehuty"}
- 9 votes
{"commentId":2073784,"authorDomain":"SVForbes"}
Think about it... they'll be doing hard time, lifting weights, getting tats, shanking each other in the yard. Soon, we'll have prison-hardened deer running amok.
Oh God, Noooooooooooooooooo!
That's almost as bad as Newsviners running amok.
Amok, amok, amok......sounds like fun.
{"commentId":2073784,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"SVForbes"}
- 10 votes
{"commentId":2086349,"authorDomain":"justforkicks"}
OK got to see the genetic material aftermath of this copulation.
{"commentId":2086349,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"justforkicks"}
- 7 votes
{"commentId":2071361,"authorDomain":"tamh"}
Walt, you're amazing!
{"commentId":2071361,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"tamh"}
- 12 votes
#5 - Sat Jun 28, 2008 3:59 AM EDT{"commentId":2075743,"authorDomain":"tamh"}
No. Just for being you in every way :)
{"commentId":2075743,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"tamh"}
- 8 votes
{"commentId":2071377,"authorDomain":"hemphill"}
Draining one deers blood around the perimiter also does wonders. And you have a lovely carcass left over for dinner. Nummy...
{"commentId":2071377,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"hemphill"}
- 12 votes
#6 - Sat Jun 28, 2008 4:08 AM EDT{"commentId":2071467,"authorDomain":"winsomecowboy"}
Landmines, claymore mines on trees, boobytrapped vegitables,tripwires dropping windup toys,amplified predator noises interspersed with white noise, bulk mousetraps, random gunfire, a wall of fire, dogs, dogs with rockets, You may need my help Walt, as you can see I've had experience with these things.
{"commentId":2071467,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"winsomecowboy"}
- 13 votes
#7 - Sat Jun 28, 2008 5:03 AM EDT{"commentId":2129069,"authorDomain":"winsomecowboy"}
hey every Gonzo needs a sidekick, the only defense against the Apocalypse is a pre-emptive apocalyptic lifestyle.That way the real one is just business as usual. Everyone else is running round like headless chickens as the sky falls and we are simply baseball batting the flying mantra-rays circling the porch like always.
{"commentId":2129069,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"winsomecowboy"}
- 9 votes
{"commentId":2129383,"authorDomain":"jumpstone"}
baseball batting the flying mantra-rays circling the porch like always.
*wonders what a manta-ray harness would be*
I'm riding!
{"commentId":2129383,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"jumpstone"}
- 6 votes
{"commentId":2071632,"authorDomain":"jumpstone"}
"Even if a farmer intends to loaf piss, he gets up in time for an early start."
I can see deer proofing parties becoming very popular.
{"commentId":2071632,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"jumpstone"}
- 12 votes
#8 - Sat Jun 28, 2008 7:20 AM EDT{"commentId":2072169,"authorDomain":"vikibabbles"}
When I come to visit, I will help. Though, my delivery system isn't nearly so efficient.
{"commentId":2072169,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"vikibabbles"}
- 9 votes
#9 - Sat Jun 28, 2008 10:08 AM EDT{"commentId":2073720,"authorDomain":"vikibabbles"}
Thanks Walt!
{"commentId":2073720,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"vikibabbles"}
- 5 votes
{"commentId":2074266,"authorDomain":"celestina"}
Lemme guess...next time I visit you the bathroom will be locked with an arrow on the door pointing outside.
Given how often I have to pee we may as well just take chairs out to the garden.
{"commentId":2074266,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"celestina"}
- 9 votes
#12 - Sat Jun 28, 2008 4:22 PM EDT{"commentId":2074989,"authorDomain":"warners"}
I could probably incorporate you in a non-bodily-waste-expulsion capacity.
Oh no...
On next weeks episode of Gonzo Agriculture.... Celestina Squats!
{"commentId":2074989,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"warners"}
- 10 votes
{"commentId":2079256,"authorDomain":"celestina"}
Is this comment a ploy to have yourself written into the series
Well, I...um...*sigh* I was just hurt that you never asked me to pee in your garden. 'Cause I thought we were friends, an' all.
On next weeks episode of Gonzo Agriculture.... Celestina Squats!
Erm...right. Remind me to wear a skirt.
that's larn me to shut the @!$%# up
{"commentId":2079256,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"celestina"}
- 8 votes
{"commentId":2118945,"authorDomain":"davidmcgirr"}
And the week after:
Dave shows you how to grow the ingredients for poitin. That'd be mooshine to y'all.
Yeah I'm back.
-Dave
{"commentId":2118945,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"davidmcgirr"}
- 8 votes
{"commentId":2120541,"authorDomain":"celestina"}
moonshine, dear. With an "n".
An' I think the fundamental thing about moonshine is you can make that @!$%# with whatever you have around. Including battery acid, if my previous experience is anything to go on...
Glad you're back, though. *smile*
{"commentId":2120541,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"celestina"}
- 5 votes
{"commentId":2122052,"authorDomain":"vikibabbles"}
The collective psyche of Newsvine just lightened up a notch.
Thank god you're back, Dave.
{"commentId":2122052,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"vikibabbles"}
- 8 votes
{"commentId":2125120,"authorDomain":"davidmcgirr"}
Actually... I've been doing a little experiment regarding how easy it is to grow potatoes.
...there's a cabbage box full of dirt in my poorly proteted shed: and they're growing.
Articles shall be forth coming.
And I've been writing like a son of a @!$%#, so prepare for some brain-molestation.
You'll wash but you'll never be clean. And you'll come crawling back for more.
hehe... "come". I'm dying of flu, so forgive my lack of vim and vigour.
FORTHWARD!
-Dave
Edit: Hey wait one @!$%#ing minute...
You wrote an entire article teaching people to piss on their fences,
to keep deer away. Jesus Walt, go get kidnapped, have something interesting to talk about for a change.
{"commentId":2125120,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"davidmcgirr"}
- 8 votes
{"commentId":2129402,"authorDomain":"jumpstone"}
Why do think I'm in North Carolina in the first place?
If you're near Stokes County, I'll see you during the Appoclypse.
{"commentId":2129402,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"jumpstone"}
- 7 votes
{"commentId":2130575,"authorDomain":"davidmcgirr"}
You would prefer a drunken poem from the perspective of a lovelorn werewolf?
Why does everyone assume I'm drunk when I write?
It's actually very difficult for me to write while drunk.
Get drunk after doing the work, it's much more efficient.
Speaking of which... I'll be back shortly.
-Dave
{"commentId":2130575,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"davidmcgirr"}
- 8 votes
{"commentId":2131643,"authorDomain":"paperdragon"}
Why does everyone assume I'm drunk when I write?
Because we don't expect you to sober up just to write something.
{"commentId":2131643,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"paperdragon"}
- 11 votes
{"commentId":2134519,"authorDomain":"davidmcgirr"}
...I'd argue, but I'm about to pour cough syrup into my whiskey to try and get rid of this cough.
Damn you predictibality!
-Dave
{"commentId":2134519,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"davidmcgirr"}
- 8 votes
{"commentId":2134745,"authorDomain":"jumpstone"}
...I'd argue, but I'm about to pour cough syrup into my whiskey to try and get rid of this cough.
What's the cough syrup for?
{"commentId":2134745,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"jumpstone"}
- 7 votes
{"commentId":2134975,"authorDomain":"davidmcgirr"}
The lemon content... can't have this cough turning into scurvy now can I?
-Dave
{"commentId":2134975,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"davidmcgirr"}
- 7 votes
{"commentId":2076512,"authorDomain":"nearing"}
Walt, why aren't you on my Friends List?
(sometime I'll tell you how to make the BEST compost in the world!)
{"commentId":2076512,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"nearing"}
- 7 votes
#14 - Sat Jun 28, 2008 10:57 PM EDT{"commentId":2087003,"authorDomain":"nearing"}
start a Gonzo Agriculture Group
You create it, I am there!
I am an amateur permaculturalist and self-taught organic gardener. (Compost is my speciality)
{"commentId":2087003,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"nearing"}
- 5 votes
{"commentId":2089790,"authorDomain":"nearing"}
and I am there,
check out the story about watermelons...
{"commentId":2089790,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"nearing"}
- 4 votes
{"commentId":2090029,"authorDomain":"darrellgrey-1"}
Glad to say I'm there too...{{gnawing fingernails about potential expectations of such lofty commitments..the word, the mere idea bringing a rash...}}
{"commentId":2090029,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"darrellgrey-1"}
- 6 votes
{"commentId":2090444,"authorDomain":"nearing"}
Darro, you don't have to contribute until you feel inspired. Just read what the rest of us put out and enjoy!
{"commentId":2090444,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"nearing"}
- 5 votes
{"commentId":2090479,"authorDomain":"darrellgrey-1"}
I will nearing. I saw you'd posted, but read Allan's and got lost trying to get back to yours. I'm going over there. When you move to Amsterdam, please holla at yer boy...:)
{"commentId":2090479,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"darrellgrey-1"}
- 4 votes
{"commentId":2090995,"authorDomain":"nearing"}
Is that where you are, Darro?
{"commentId":2090995,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"nearing"}
- 4 votes
{"commentId":2091090,"authorDomain":"darrellgrey-1"}
I wish. No, I'm in Fort Worth driving cattle to Montana on a daily basis.
{"commentId":2091090,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"darrellgrey-1"}
- 5 votes
{"commentId":2092262,"authorDomain":"jumpstone"}
Darro, you don't have to contribute until you feel inspired. Just read what the rest of us put out and enjoy!
You might want to turn it every now and then. Try to keep the temperature between 105ish and 130F. A little time above 130F will kill off any unwanted threads but be sure to keep the content aerated and moist.
{"commentId":2092262,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"jumpstone"}
- 2 votes
{"commentId":2076885,"authorDomain":"onlynow99"}
This should be a movie...
{"commentId":2076885,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"onlynow99"}
- 6 votes
#15 - Sun Jun 29, 2008 12:23 AM EDT{"commentId":2081021,"authorDomain":"fawnshore"}
{"commentId":2079043,"authorDomain":"darrellgrey-1"}
This is good stuff Walt. Got a barn I can sleep in?
I've long said if someone would give me a farm to manage I'd be happy as a man could get. Nature doesn't talk back with meaningless jargon and memorized catch phrases.
In other words, I prefer anything to people. (You know, EXCEPT for viners)
We planted our own garden this year and are presently reaping the rewards of lush tomatoes, peppers, squash, and cucumbers. The carrots, sunflower seeds, onions and herbs have yet to show themselves.
I like the idea of urinating everywhere I get a chance, though.
{"commentId":2079043,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"darrellgrey-1"}
- 8 votes
#16 - Sun Jun 29, 2008 12:36 PM EDT{"commentId":2082156,"authorDomain":"darrellgrey-1"}
You're harvesting already?
Yes. We've had four good tomatoes, one gargantuan squash, five or six nice jalapenos and there is a bell pepper sitting there that my wife insists must turn red but looks like good fixins to me.
We used all miracle gro after digging up the old sod and sand soil in an elevated garden area that came with our house. It doesn't get good morning sun, but from 10 to 6 it's good. I run a soaker hose and water it constantly.
We have huge sunflowers and a few just flowered. They're over 6' tall.
In re peeing outdoors. One time I got pulled over going 110, freshly smoke bowl aroma lingering, drunk, year expired inspection sticker, no tags, fake insurance and an out of state warrant. I told the girl I was with that I was going to jail and she shouldn't even bother trying to raise the titanic of money it would take to get me out.
I told the cop I was hurrying to get her home because she'd finally gotten a babysitter she could trust, but the girl had a curfew. He made me walk a line and when I got back to him I asked him to look at the lady in the car and tell me if he thought I'd ever have another chance with her if he took me to jail. Miraculously, he told me to go straight home and don't ever let him see me on the road again in that car.
When I got home I celebrated my freedom by peeing off the second story balcony onto the grassy hill leading to I-635. By far the most enjoyable, shaky pee of my life. Sorry for the digression here, but it was a surreal happening.
{"commentId":2082156,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"darrellgrey-1"}
- 10 votes
{"commentId":2085139,"authorDomain":"darrellgrey-1"}
If someone would provide me a digital camera, these pictures might come out better.
{"commentId":2085139,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"darrellgrey-1"}
- 5 votes
{"commentId":2079591,"authorDomain":"scientificblog"}
Deer are classified with rats for a reason. Were it not for Bambi tainting the psyches of far too many young children, they wouldn't be considered adorable at all.
All this drinking and urine seems like a lot of extra work. If the deer near you are any bigger than the blacktail dog-size things in this part of California, I will just fly there and shoot them. Each one only costs you $.25 that way. If I happen to get Bambi's father, so much the better.
{"commentId":2079591,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"scientificblog"}
- 8 votes
#17 - Sun Jun 29, 2008 2:33 PM EDT{"commentId":2081424,"authorDomain":"kymlee"}
The good citizens can't kill us, but they'll sure as hell try to starve us out (speaking from experience, the absence of Twinkies and Big Macs is no great loss). I say let 'em try! I say let's, at least partially, remove ourselves from the grid of consumer trough culture and become the blueprint for a new American Icon: The Self-Sustaining Subversive.
::Thows fist in the air::
Right on brotha!
That was funny as hell Walt, but I got the message. I'm going to start small and expand as I can afford more space for gardening. I don't think I'll need deer repellent though, since I have no intentions of moving out of the city. I do, however, appreciate the tip good sir. ;)
{"commentId":2081424,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"kymlee"}
- 6 votes
#18 - Sun Jun 29, 2008 8:40 PM EDT{"commentId":2086580,"authorDomain":"Brad-Leclerc"}
Our fellow mammals realized long ago the territory-designating powers of pee. It's time we jumped on the bandwagon.
Too true. I'm off to mark my territory right now. Not that there's anything to worry about with animals around here (no farm)...but no point wasting such a wonderful tool on indoor plumbing....... ;)
{"commentId":2086580,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"Brad-Leclerc"}
- 6 votes
#19 - Mon Jun 30, 2008 1:20 PM EDT{"commentId":2095650,"authorDomain":"vicaxp"}
Good stuff, Walt! I dont have a garden right now, but I can say that in every house I've lived in, I've been sure to mark my territory the first night once I am moved in. I can tell you I havent had one deer bother me at any of my houses.
{"commentId":2095650,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"vicaxp"}
- 5 votes
#20 - Tue Jul 1, 2008 2:31 PM EDT{"commentId":2129328,"authorDomain":"MinnieApolis"}
You may have invented a new category, Walt: Gonzo Gardening. Why no one ever thought of it before is a mystery, but you just might have a corner on this niche.
I would not count on any guest spots on Martha Stewart Living anytime soon, or anytime ever.
But good luck with those kapustas (cabbages in Polish) and make lotsa cabbage soup with some tomatoes and celery and onion.
PS - YOu may find that the hot peppers require no marking as deer do not care for pepper flavoring AT ALL. In fact some deer repellants use peppers as the key ingredients. (others use egg)
PPS - However, bears really LOVE hot pepper sauce so keep this in mind.
{"commentId":2129328,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"MinnieApolis"}
- 7 votes
#21 - Sun Jul 6, 2008 5:51 PM EDT{"commentId":2138543,"authorDomain":"LAUHAL63"}
Is there an address available so that the more generous Newsviners can mail in donations?
{"commentId":2138543,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"LAUHAL63"}
- 6 votes
#22 - Mon Jul 7, 2008 11:53 PM EDT{"commentId":2138761,"authorDomain":"davidmcgirr"}
Yes, it is my address.
-Dave
{"commentId":2138761,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"davidmcgirr"}
- 6 votes
{"commentId":2139788,"authorDomain":"jumpstone"}
Yes, it is my address.
-Dave
Are you sure you want these donations? I think she means yellow, not green backs.
{"commentId":2139788,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"jumpstone"}
- 6 votes
{"commentId":2173527,"authorDomain":"Cassandra"}
When you get bug problems, Walt, I have a couple of organic gardening books that will help. Also one on
the advantages of companion planting.
{"commentId":2173527,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"Cassandra"}
- 4 votes
#23 - Sat Jul 12, 2008 1:13 PM EDT{"commentId":2180357,"authorDomain":"nearing"}
Give us the list, Cassandra!
Don't just keep it for Walt!
We're all Gonzo farmers now.
{"commentId":2180357,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"nearing"}
- 5 votes
{"commentId":2356453,"authorDomain":"robertlyn-schultz"}
I just skimmed the comments so this may have been brought up already but, I saw an advertisment in the back of Hightimes for dehydrated lion piss, I don't think that American deer even know what a Lion is or smells like do you?
Aloha
{"commentId":2356453,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"robertlyn-schultz"}
- 1 vote
#24 - Sun Aug 3, 2008 6:50 PM EDT{"commentId":2356516,"authorDomain":"fawnshore"}
{"commentId":2357451,"authorDomain":"robertlyn-schultz"}
Good point, makes sense.
Thanks
{"commentId":2357451,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"robertlyn-schultz"}
- 1 vote
{"commentId":2357690,"authorDomain":"darrellgrey-1"}
this may have been brought up already but, I saw an advertisment in the back of Hightimes for dehydrated lion piss, I don't think that American deer even know what a Lion is or smells like do you?
Aloha
I imagine reverse-genetically engineered pterodactyl pee would also be effective.
**DaRrO, attempting to return from the twilight zone to reality in order to prepare for the work week stumbles across this and begins to lose focus on making it back at all. Stumbling out to the garage one last time, he ponders how to bridge this lunacy into reality as a constant. {Turning pages he finds Walt D's column}..dialing real estate broker in Eastern US.**
{"commentId":2357690,"threadId":"300995","contentId":"1597667","authorDomain":"darrellgrey-1"}
- 2 votes
#25 - Sun Aug 3, 2008 11:06 PM EDT{"canLink":false,"threadId":"300995","isPrivate":false}
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