excerpts from speech at RCPAC rally in Podunk, NC:

"I am, after all, the only candidate overtly endorsed by Jesus Christ Himself. I can understand their fear. Still, they could have at least given me a run for my money", said Dr. Frank.

"These are serious times and serious times call for a serious candidate with serious solutions to serious problems. Wait, 'critical' works better. Can I say 'critical' instead? No, that's not right either. The important thing is that all Americans must work together to move all Americans into the future. Otherwise, we will all go somewhere entirely different from the future. And that's just not America! Not my America! Not your America as well!"

"So, who's left? The wife-abandoning skirtchaser with the Playdough head? The vanilla ex-socialist pencil sketch from Massachusetts? The black guy?  Who?"